It is tempting to lash out in anger whenever someone insults us, or when we see someone doing something wrong.
This is an even bigger temptation on social media, where we have the veil of the internet in between us and other people.
All we have to do is write a nasty comment in response to someone and turn off our phone or close our computer.
Yet, it is almost never helpful to try and correct someone while angry.
It does more damage than we realize, even if our argument is sound and what we are saying is true.
Anger
St. Francis de Sales reflects on this spiritual topic in his Introduction to the Devout Life:
Correction given in anger, however tempered by reason, never has so much effect as that which is given altogether without anger.
He then provides the following illustration to help explain this idea:
When a monarch visits a country peaceably, the people are gratified and flattered; but if the king has to take his armies through the land, even on behalf of the public welfare, his visit is sure to be unwelcome and harmful, because, however strictly military discipline may be enforced, there will always be some mischief done to the people.
St. Francis de Sales suggests correcting someone in a calm spirit, rather than in anger:
Just so when reason prevails, and administers reproof, correction, and punishment in a calm spirit, although it be strict, every one approves and is content; but if reason be hindered by anger and vexation (which Saint Augustine calls her soldiers) there will be more fear than love, and reason itself will be despised and resisted.
None of us is perfect, and we will likely make mistakes from time to time. However, the goal is to remain calm and collected, whether we are addressing someone in person, or anonymously online.
If we truly want to win someone over to our side, we need to explain ourselves with a calm and collected spirit.
They may still not fully agree with us, but there is a higher chance and by the end of it, fewer relationships will be broken.
