Being one of nine children, we all often teased our parents by asking, "Am I your favorite?" Now my dad was outrageous and would say "yes" to the child in front of him -- he now does this with the grandchildren, too. My mother, however, would cut the debate dead with a simple: "I don't have favorites."
Yet, the notion of favoritism runs deep in many families, and it’s a question that can quietly nag at a child’s heart: Am I my parents' favorite? Or worse, Why am I not?
Perhaps even parents themselves, in their quieter moments, wrestle with feelings they never expected — a strong connection to one child that makes them question their own fairness. Let’s be honest: family life can sometimes feel like a sitcom where someone’s bound to shout, "Why does Johnny get two scoops of ice cream when I only got one?!" The good news? Navigating these feelings with a little humor and a lot of heart can actually bring families closer together.
The perception problem
Children are natural detectives — and not the subtle kind. They’ll notice who gets the biggest smile when they walk into the room, whose science project gets hung on the fridge, and who seems to spend the most time with Mom or Dad. They’ll also let you know when it’s not fair with a reaction that's truly Oscar-worthy. While these perceptions may not always be grounded in reality, they matter. Feeling less seen or less valued can plant seeds of insecurity in a young heart.
Parents, of course, know that love isn’t a zero-sum game. Loving one child deeply doesn’t diminish love for the others. Yet family life is messy, and personalities sometimes align more easily with one child than another. One may share a parent’s love for sci-fi movies; another might be the spirited debater who makes dinner conversations lively (and occasionally exhausting). These differences can create a perception — true or false — of favoritism.
Appreciating unique gifts
One way to combat favoritism, real or perceived, is by celebrating each child’s unique God-given traits. Just as no two saints lived identical lives, no two children will follow the same path. One might be an artist with a wild imagination; another might be the family peacemaker with a heart for service. One might even be the family comedian who specializes in knock-knock jokes that never end. (Parents, stay strong.)
By actively recognizing and affirming these differences, parents can show their children that each of them is cherished not despite their differences but because of them.
This doesn’t require grand gestures. Simple, intentional actions — like spending one-on-one time doing an activity the child enjoys, expressing gratitude for their unique strengths, or listening attentively to their thoughts — can reinforce a sense of worth. Plus, it’s just fun getting to know your kids as the amazing little humans they are.
Fighting internal biases
Parents aren’t immune from human tendencies. Sometimes, without even realizing it, a parent may gravitate toward one child who is easier to connect with. But recognizing these tendencies is the first step toward overcoming them.
A helpful practice is to reflect on moments of joy and gratitude with each child. Keeping a journal of positive interactions can help parents develop a more balanced appreciation for their children’s diverse gifts. Additionally, seeking the input of a spouse, mentor, or trusted friend can provide perspective — and maybe even a reality check when you’re feeling guilty for no reason.
A God’s-eye view
Now, we might imagine that God the Father has a favorite child or favorite children. (Not counting Jesus, of course. After all, He is the Son of God, perfect in every way, including in his love for the Father.) But Scripture paints a broader picture of God’s love — a love so expansive that it embraces each of us as beloved sons and daughters. In God’s eyes, no one is forgotten or overlooked. His love is infinite, personal, and perfectly tailored to each of us.
Therefore, if God doesn’t have a favorite (despite managing the biggest family in existence), parents can breathe a little easier. There’s room for everyone at the divine dinner table.
Turning comparison into compassion
Children also benefit from learning how to manage feelings of envy or competition. Encouraging siblings to affirm each other’s strengths can foster empathy and understanding. Teach them to see family as a team, where everyone’s gifts contribute to the whole builds unity.
Parents can lead by example here, showing gratitude not just for their own children but for the diverse gifts of others in their community. This reinforces the idea that every person has unique value. And hey, turning sibling rivalries into friendly debates about who really made the best batch of cookies? That’s just good family fun.
In the end, the antidote to favoritism is not pretending differences don’t exist — it’s appreciating those differences with open hearts and maybe a little laughter. When parents strive to love each child uniquely yet equally, they mirror the boundless, generous love of God. And when children see that they are valued for who they are, they come to understand a beautiful truth: they are, in a way, God’s favorite — just as we all are.
Love doesn’t need rankings. It simply needs room to grow (and maybe some extra scoops of ice cream along the way).
