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Gay Marriage: Getting the Conversation Right Is More Important Than Ever


Gregory K. Popcak - published on 06/28/15 - updated on 06/08/17

Additionally, the reason heterosexual marriage has enjoyed pride-of-place in society for 4,000 years is not because of the bigotry or prejudice of the ancient pagan society that first gave marriage legal and social status. If anything, ancient Babylon was even more tolerant of alternative arrangements than our contemporary society is.

Instead, heterosexual marriage was given priority over other relationship types common to the time (hook-ups with temple prostitutes, cohabiting, same-sex unions) because it, much more than any other relationship type, yielded several observable benefits that were necessary for the creation of an orderly society. Let’s look at five.

1. Marriage unites children to their mother and father.
This is the most important benefit.  Even compared to cohabiting couples, marriage comes out ahead.  About 30% of cohabiting couples give up their children.  It is virtually unheard of for married couples to give up their children.   Further, only children born in a marriage have a legal right to know who their mother and father are and to be raised by that mother and father.  Any social movement that undermines this fact does violence to the dignity of children (and I’ll explain in a minute how gay marriage undermines this right).

2. Children raised by married mothers and fathers fare significantly better.  
Children born to a married mother and father do better on all academic, social, psychological, spiritual, and interpersonal measures.  All the data supports this.  Again, any social movement that undermines this fact does violence to the dignity of children (and, again,  I’ll explain in a minute how gay marriage undermines this right).

3.  No other relationship-type protects the financial and social security of women like marriage.  
Marriage is the best poverty-prevention program we know.  The middle-class does not exist without marriage.   Married women are more financially and socially secure than women in any other relationship type (including lesbian relationships).  This is true even of college-educated women (Although this group is most likely to be secure without marriage, only 37% of women have a college degree).

4.  Marriage socializes men.
In addition to the fact that married men are exponentially more willing to claim and raise their own children, married men are significantly less likely to commit violent crime than unmarried men. For example, according to the DOJ,  65% of crimes against women are committed by unmarried men. Only 9% of married men have commited a violent crime against a woman. This ratio holds up across the board for crime statistics.

5.  Marriage secures sustainable fertility rates.
Even though the gap has narrowed somewhat, married couples still have more children than unmarried couples.  De-population is the most serious social problem facing the West.  As marriage rates have decreased, societies are not producing enough children to support their social infrastructure.    Marriage sees to the success of future generations.
So what does any of this have to do with gay marriage?

Remember, the only reason heterosexual marriage has enjoyed special legal and social status for 4000 years is the benefits it gives to society which are not limited to the above. Gay marriage does not grant any benefits to society and in fact, undermines several of these social benefits.  For example:

~ Gay marriage makes it discriminatory to say that any child has a right to a mother and father. This is the most serious problem. Homosexual couples may have children through adoption or assisted reproduction, but they can not provide both parents. But if gay marriage is about getting society to recognize that homosexual families are “just as good as” heterosexual families, this requires denying that any children—not just children of gay parents—have a right to a mother and father, or need a mother and father. This flies in the face of all available data. Every child who is denied a mother and/or a father feels the lack. Gay marriage would require society, and mental health professionals, to tell all children that their natural longing for two, opposite-sex parents is disordered.

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