How can a dad make sure he connects with each of his children, whether he has many children or a few? Take them out to Saturday morning, one at a time, for breakfast and a brief adventure — with a Eucharistic visit on the way home.
I have been doing this for a quarter century now. I did it when I had nine children at home, I do it now that I have three at home, and I have seen the short-term and long-term benefits of each part of the schedule we follow.
First is the value of the breakfast itself.
I wake the child up relatively early for Saturday breakfast. In my experience, kids hate to get up early — unless they are getting up to go out to breakfast.
The child decides where we are going to go, which is the first lesson of the day: Children in my family don’t typically get to make such decisions. Small children want breakfast at McDonald’s usually; older children value culinary diversity a bit more.
Whatever they choose, we usually eat inside instead of the drive-through. I want them to learn how to behave in a restaurant.
Second is the conversation.
One-on-one conversations are absolutely crucial. As a department head at work, I need to have scheduled, one-on-one time with employees in my department once a month or things fall apart, as I learned the hard way.
It’s the same with children. You have to talk to them one-on-one to see what’s going on. But you have to approach carefully. My plan is to avoid hard topics and focus on what they are more comfortable talking about at first.
Usually, before I leave, I search “How to talk to kids” for a refresher so that I’m not forever asking, “What’s your favorite subject in school?” (I do ask that a lot, though.)
If there’s a hard topic I need to cover, I always think of a safe follow-up topic to flee to next — especially with teens.
The third thing we do is experience danger together — safely.
Studies, and good advice, are constantly saying that parents and children need to explore, overcome unexpected challenges, and experience excitement together. This is ideally done on family vacations in far-flung places, but for those of us who can’t afford that, there are plenty of mini-adventures close to home.
Adventures I’ve experienced after kid breakfasts recently include: Walking on the docks on the river, climbing rocks, finding a way up the high bluffs of the Missouri River, searching for caves, and exploring a replica Kansa Indian shelter — and all of them 5-10 minutes from my house.
When the weather is cold, we find indoor adventures: Pet stores are like free zoos, Cabela's or even Walmart’s camping section is a museum of outdoors life, and the Abbey in town is filled with fascinating nooks and crannies.
Fourth is the Eucharistic visit.
On the way home from wherever we go, we stop at a tabernacle for a quick visit. The idea is to model prayer for them so that later it will come naturally to them.
The basics of what we do before the tabernacle are in the first two categories here. If the child is young, I bring them to the tabernacle and quiz them (the same quiz each time). If they are older, we kneel and I pray out loud.
The whole thing takes an hour and a half, usually; two hours at most.
You don’t need an elaborate meal, and you don’t need a hard-to-reach adventure. The point is spending focused time with your child.
The bonus for a dad is that you get to eat out for breakfast more often. And now that I have 11 grandchildren, nine of whom live in town, the breakfasts don’t need to end. Last week I took a 7-year-old grandchild to McDonald’s, followed by a trip to the river and a tour of the church.
“Grandpa, usually when we eat at McDonalds we just grab food and bring it home,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said, beaming with pride. “I know.”
