Aleteia logoAleteia logo
Friday 16 April |
Saint of the Day: St. Bernadette Soubirous
home iconLifestyle
line break icon

Paying attention to detail is one way to love your spouse


Galina Kovalenko | Shutterstock

Edifa - published on 01/13/21

Simple tips to help you feel recognized and respected on a daily basis.

“My husband never notices anything! When I put the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the living room, he doesn’t understand that it needs to be vacuumed, or when I put something broken on the table, that it should be fixed. And he doesn’t understand why I’m exasperated!” explains Valery, sure that she is right, and that she has a husband who is really not very attentive. And her husband Paul feels both ashamed of not being up to the task and unhappy about his frequent bouts of “refrigerator blindness,” as he humorously admits.

Indeed, some people have this ability to not notice a number of situations that are outside of their main purpose at the time. This is not ill will, but simply a mental closure to subtle messages. Others, on the contrary, tend to be able to pay attention to several processes at the same time: listening to two conversations, cooking and monitoring the children’s homework, etc. So what can we do to live together pleasantly without constantly arguing and, above all, where everyone feels recognized and respected?

Consistently watching over one another

First of all, we must think about taking into account, both individually and together, these differences in the way we function and integrate them into new strategies to improve our relationship as a couple. For example: together, on a regular basis, establish a list of things to do and determine priorities. Do a “schedule review” once a week to agree on the “things to do” list.

When talking to your spouse, you should remember to check that he or she is focused before making suggestions, possibly including even basic household duties. Let them know of any changes that have been made (house, hair style, etc.), stick Post-it notes in visible places with instructions that have been previously discussed. And for those who sometimes seem especially hard-wired not to notice new situations or changes around them, they will have to learn to look around, consult the list of tasks to be done and regularly ask their spouse if they need help, if there is something to do that they haven’t yet noticed. This loving attention at every moment of daily life, so difficult to carry out … isn’t that what the Lord meantwhen He told us to watch without respite?

Marie-Noël Florant


Read more:
Contemplation for beginners: How to calm your thoughts

Support Aleteia!

If you’re reading this article, it’s thanks to the generosity of people like you, who have made Aleteia possible.

Here are some numbers:

  • 20 million users around the world read every month
  • Aleteia is published every day in seven languages: English, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish, and Slovenian
  • Each month, readers view more than 50 million pages
  • Nearly 4 million people follow Aleteia on social media
  • Each month, we publish 2,450 articles and around 40 videos
  • We have 60 full time staff and approximately 400 collaborators (writers, translators, photographers, etc.)

As you can imagine, these numbers represent a lot of work. We need you.

Support Aleteia with as little as $1. It only takes a minute. Thank you!

Daily prayer
And today we celebrate...

Top 10
Annalisa Teggi
Amputee from the waist down is thankful every day to be alive
Bret Thoman, OFS
What Padre Pio saw in the Spanish Flu of 1918
Zelda Caldwell
Mystery of crosses on walls of Church of the Holy Sepulchre may h...
Fr. Patrick Briscoe, OP
St. Faustina’s coffee cup and lessons for Divine Mercy Sund...
Philip Kosloski
St. Padre Pio: His life, his miracles and his legacy
Philip Kosloski
Padre Pio’s favorite prayer of petition
Philip Kosloski
Catholic prayers for strength
See More