“Why Have Children?” seems a simple name for a discussiond that is increasingly complex in the modern era. Indeed, heated discussions often occur everywhere from family gatherings to the internet about whether people should have children and if so, how many.
Yet, it is in a simple, open spirit of looking at this question together that the panelists at the New York Encounter invited participants to look at the many factors contributing to a world-wide decline in birth rates.
Nicholas Eberstadt (American Enterprise Institute), opened by explaining that 75% of the world now has a declining population. While many are familiar with this phenomenon in the Western world, it is perhaps surprising that this is also the case in places like Calcutta, India.
Brad Wilcox (University of Virginia) added that 1 in 3 young adults today are anticipated to remain single for the remainder of their lifetime. In addition, the U.S. marriage rate has gone down by 60% since 1970.
These are clearly some vast sociological shifts. What, then, has brought us to this place?
Factors
Eberstadt and Wilcox, along with moderator Margarita Mooney Clayton (Princeton) cite several potential factors. Clayton mentions that “career and work goals have become the markers of what it means to be an adult” (as opposed to marriage and family). In addition, many adults now have grown up as only children and don’t have as much, if any, experience with children. We are losing the generational knowledge and support that comes with parenting with the help of siblings and extended families.
Technology also appears to be a significant factor. Eberstadt observes that “Phones may be more consequential to world demographics than the birth control pill.”
It is striking, he says, that the “drop in fertility tracks so closely with the proliferation of the smartphone.”
“Autonomy and convenience -- they still seem to be the kind of trump card in family life.” Kids, he observes, while wonderful, are often anything but convenient.
Mooney pointed out that in a technological, modern world that encourages us to plan every aspect of our lives, “children help you remember that life isn’t just a drop-down menu.” In other words, children bring a messiness to life that technology and an emphasis on autonomy seem to decry.
So, again, why have children?
Wilcox points out that while much of modern society points out the challenges of parenthood and the freedom of the young single life, the “data points in the opposite direction.”
“Data points to people being happier with kids.” Parenting is a place to find “meaning, direction, solidarity -- and so many opportunities to give and receive care” and these elements are “what make us truly human.”
In addition, those with a religious sense understand that while parenting can bring suffering, that suffering can have a greater meaning. And in a world that can often be isolating, Wilcox says, children can mean “having a tribe -- being ‘with and for one another.’”
Mooney herself does not have biological children and the panelists never infer that everyone should have children. Rather, the data and the presenters' comments point to the good that children are for the world. Beyond the natural need to reach replacement birth rates, children bring a special sort of joy to society.
Wilcox, self-described as an older dad, looks forward to summers where he plays with his kids at the pool. It is life-giving, he shares, to be with young people. I might add in my own family’s experience, that having young children present at Christmas time reignites the joy that people experience. For years, it was my much younger brother waking up at dawn on Christmas day and now it is my own children who bring that excitement not only to me, but to their aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
No easy answers
While the panelists comment that society is structured around families having 1 or 2 kids, there are some families out there who are bucking the trend. The panelists don’t point to easy answers for birth rate, but suggest that revitalizing family life, passing on parenting wisdom to the next generation, and sharing the joys of children is a start.
This talk was part of a series of conversations, talks, performances, and exhibits at the New York Catholic Encounter, a free event sponsored by Communion and Liberation, an international movement of the Catholic Church.
The purpose of the weekend was “to explore how memory and hope shape daily life: work, education, affection, and society.” Relying on experts in a variety of fields, and the Catholic faith, participants have the space to examine the question “Why Have Children” - and a number of other topics - in a more intentional way.
Recordings from the 2025 Conference can be found at newyorkencounter.org
